“Baby you’re a song, you make me want to roll my windows down, and Cruuuuiise.”
There’s no way to read that and not sing it in your head, and possibly out loud. Music is fun and really is the tie that binds us all. We may not like all the same artists or even the same genres, but all of us like music. With that said, I figure we all like the Patriots too, so why not put two things we love together and really enjoy it? To create peanut butter and fluff for everyone, I thought it would be fun to assign a song to different Patriots, that I feel best represents the coach, player, or personnel group. Enjoy!
Bill Belichick: I Am The Greatest by Kenny Rogers
This is a fun song about looking on the bright side and feeling good about yourself and your abilities. When it comes to Bill, the reasoning for this song is all in the title. He is the best coach in the game today, and the best that ever was. 8 Super Bowl rings as a coach is no joke, and yes, Parcells can credit his two to the defensive genius. There’s nobody else I want scowling along the sidelines, and it will be a sad day when he’s gone. For now, I am enjoying every second of the GOAT.
Mac Jones: Everybody Loves Me by Don McLean
This song is a hidden gem on the American Pie album. If you haven’t heard it, I highly encourage you to check it out. It has a peppy, fun, and upbeat tempo, and the lyrics are very humorous. Speaking of the lyrics, this song was chosen for Mac because the full refrain is “Everybody loves me, baby. What’s the matter with you?” In fact, the entire song is about a guy who thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread and can’t fathom the idea that one person might not revere him. I don’t think Mac has this personality trait per se, but his fans certainly do. Nobody is allowed to say anything bad about the former first-round pick. The people form a defensive shield around him and ward off any of the nay-sayers. But those of us who doubt him are the apparent problem.
Rhamondre Stevenson: California Love by Dr Dre and 2Pac
I didn’t assign this song to Rhamondre for geographical reasons, even though he did attend Cerritos College in Norwalk, CA. The song, to me, encapsulates the Patriots star running back. The minute the beat drops you are hooked, just like we are, every time Rhamondre carries the ball. Dre comes on and starts rapping, and it’s just awesome, like Rhamondre busting one up the middle for 12 yards. Just when you think it’s as good as it can get, Tupac comes on and blows the doors off, like Rhamondre flying past an opponent’s secondary for a 60-yard touchdown run. Like the song, Stevenson starts off great and finishes even better, even when we think it’s not possible.
Ezekiel Elliot: Fat Boy by Maxamillion
This is a really fun song. Obviously, I am mocking a little bit here, but I’m also plugging a song that I listened to every day during my senior year of high school. Zeke will be a great player to have in the backfield because Rhamondre can’t be a 350-carry back. Elliott was done dirty by those sharing a picture of him in a long sleeve, looking like Vince Wilfork, but I believe it’s all angles, and he is still in great football shape. Let’s all enjoy what he brings to the table, and enjoy this Maxamillion song too.
Wide Receiver room: Good Enough by Cyndi Lauper
The full song title is The Goonies R Good Enough, but this song applies to the Patriots wide receiver room as much as it does the kids looking for One-Eyed Willie’s treasure ship. There isn’t a guy in the group who has established himself as someone who can single-handedly take a defense to task, but collectively they work well together. You have jumpers, route runners, and tough catch guys. They won’t scare opposing coordinators like the Eagles or Dolphins, but they are good enough to get the job done and keep the offense moving the chains.
Tight Ends: High Hopes by Panic At The Disco
Whenever the team gets a couple of decent tight ends, comparisons will inevitably follow to Gronkowski and “He who shall not be named”. Deny it around your friends if you must, but every one of us thought that Jonnu Smith and Hunter Henry were the second coming. It didn’t work out how we dreamed it would, and now we have Gesicki in there. Add in the fact that the offensive coordinator for the previous dynamic duo was Bill O’Brien, and Patriots fans once again have high hopes for unstoppable dual tight end set pieces.
Keion White: Ready or Not by The Fugees
Another great song from my high school, days. I can assure you, the league is NOT ready for Keion White, who I have pegged as the 2023 Defensive Rookie of the Year. His size and speed is insane, and he has looked unblockable in limited action. Surround him with Christian Barmore, Deatrich Wise, Josh Uche, and Matthew Judon, and you’ve got a league of quarterbacks and offensive tackles shaking in their boots about facing this guy.
Matthew Judon: Like A Rock by Bob Seger
Maybe this is a bit on the nose, but Judon has been the Patriots rock. No matter how the team is doing, or what their record is, you can always count on this guy taking down the quarterback. The team added weapons on defense, and paid the man, so believe it or not, his sack number are going to go up from last season. He’s as strong as he can be. Nothing ever gets to him. He’s like a rock.
Secondary: Greased Lightning by the Cast of Grease
It’s no secret to anyone (especially the folks at EA Sports) that this defensive secondary is fast. In basketball you can’t teach height and in football you can’t teach speed. What you can teach, and what Belichick teaches better than anyone is man coverage. Christian Gonzalez might be the most talented corner he has ever coached, and he can fly. Isaiah Bolden will mostly play as a returner, but has seen time already in coverage. With he pressure the line will apply, this could be a record setting year for interceptions for the Patriots secondary.
2023 New England Patriots: Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers
I’ve made a lot of bold predictions over the years, and I hate the taste of crow, but I have the Patriots going 12-5 this year, and finishing second in the division. People are laughing at me now, but I hope they won’t be after the last week of the season. I’m not asking the Patriots to win the Super Bowl (though that would be great). I just want them to not let me down.