Uh, excuse me! Did somebody spike Tom Brady’s TB12 enhanced protein shake this morning? Who dumped a half of a shot of tequila in his virgin margarita? What happened to no days off?
Oh, that’s right, he’s not under Bill Belichick’s ruthless dictatorship anymore. He can down a few Michelob Ultra Lights at the end of his work day, forget to brush his teeth, and fall asleep on the couch with a bag of cheese doodles by his side. At least that’s what the haters will tell you.
Nonetheless, now that he’s fully enjoying Florida (and could be the next “Florida man” story after this), the reigning Super Bowl champion is partying down in Tampa for the Buccaneers’ Super Bowl boat parade … which feels just as significant as the Trump Boat Parade that took place in Texas last year.
We hope Brady wasn’t operating any of those boats, because, well … oh man.
“Damn!” you could hear Brady say, as what looks to be a Bucs third-string QB Ryan Griffin escorting him off the choppy waters both both arms around him. It feels good to appropriately celebrate outside after a Super Bowl, right Tommy? No frigid Boston weather with the grimy working class trying to touch you. It’s all sunshine, shots, and retired folk. No more Sammy Adams and hand warmers! Get Mr. Brady back to his gated community!
If you needed more evidence that Brady consumed more than the legal limit on Wednesday, then perhaps this video of him throwing the Lombardi Trophy from one boat to another WHILE THEY WERE MOVING will solidify it for ya.
And there’s this:
Nonetheless, Brady has had nothing but good things to say about Belichick, the Patriots, and the fan base ever since leaving New England. There should be no hard feelings here. He led his new team on a tremendous run and Pats fans got to see his greatness in action yet again.
But let’s give him more props and congratulate him on the first day drink of his career. Let’s just hope Alex Guerrero has the special potion to help him avoid the massive hangover in the morning.