Patriots: Do you want to buy Chase Winovich’s dog treadmill?

Patriots pass rusher Chase Winovich wants you to buy his dog treadmill.

Still struggling to find that perfect gift for that special someone this holiday season? Well, allow me to ask a few follow-up questions. Is that special someone a Patriots fan?

Is that special someone four-legged, covered in hair and self-conscious about their body image? Or are they a person who’s theoretically interested in working out, but doesn’t have the leg length or mentality necessary to operate a human-sized treadmill?

Well, then, Chase Winovich has the gift for you, and he’s only a tweet away!

The Pats’ second-year pass-rushing maniac made a desperate plea to his fans on Tuesday night: Can you help him out with this dog treadmill? We don’t know what’s wrong with it, but his puppy Zeus doesn’t care about the thing at all.

At first, we thought Winovich had maybe purchased the apparatus for himself. After all, he found himself inexplicably in Bill Belichick’s doghouse earlier this year, and it would be very Belichick to force his banished players to buy dog treadmills.

But no — this is Zeus’ doing. The dog simply does not understand what this item is. Doesn’t want any part of it.

Zeus’ dad, on the other hand, is making big strides in 2020. Winovich, paired in recent weeks with his former Michigan teammate Josh Uche, has been among the most effective pass rushers in the NFL, and a shining example of Belichick’s defensive drafting acumen in Year 2. Though there hasn’t been a lot to be proud of on the offensive side of the ball this season, last year’s No. 1 defense has almost reworked itself into an entirely different (and also effective) unit on the fly, following a series of opt outs and free agent departures.

Winovich isn’t fully happy, though, unless he’s playing in the rain or the muck like the Baltimore game, digging his heels into the dirt and making a powerful third down stop before launching into a howl that shakes the Foxborough night.

Oh, man, wait…maybe the dog treadmill is for him.

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