Bill Belichick could be a warlock, casting a spell to make it rain exclusively on the Ravens and not the Patriots.
The New England Patriots fought their way past the favored Baltimore Ravens on Sunday night, saving their season and proving you should always ride with the Pats on the rare occasion that Bill Belichick is a home underdog.
He’s the greatest coach of the modern era, if not all of NFL history, and as his coaching style has grown slightly stale, Belichick has picked up a new trick: A magic dial that allows him to control the intensity of the weather. Which comes in handy sometimes!
Belichick and the Patriots controlled the ball with a remarkably effective Damien Harris-led ground-and-pound in the driving rain in this game, and Lamar Jackson and his center’s water-logged snaps couldn’t quite keep up.
And when it came time for one final drive — Ravens ball down six with a minute left — the skies suddenly opened up twice as wide, dumping a completely unworkable amount of rain on an offensive unit that already looked overwhelmed.
Congratulations to the Patriots, who are still in the playoff race thanks to Bill Belichick winking at the Gods and asking for one last favor.
In all seriousness, we’re not sure we learned much about either of these teams that we didn’t already know thanks to the absurd conditions, but we are sure this counts as a win in the Patriots’ column. And as the season winds down and a new era seems likely to be upon us next year regardless, that’s all that matters.
It was nice, though, to watch the nation’s Patriots haters spin themselves into the ground one more time with the ridiculous conspiracies of a bygone era.
“Somehow.” Yes. That certainly occurred.
The argument that Belichick was in command of the tornado did seem a bit more realistic a few minutes after the final whistle sounded, though.
See, that’s because the rain, which hit its crescendo during the Ravens’ final drive, doubling in intensity, stopped just after the game ended.
You know, nobody ever cites the weather machine when they talk about the perks of the Patriot Way.
We learned on Sunday that the Pats are still well-equipped for a soaking wet battle, and the gadget-heavy Ravens are absolutely not.
Perhaps Belichick will lean into that moving forward? Maybe bring the weather with you to Miami? Could be jarring!