Patriots: 3 new sponsors Pats fans should pay to rename Bills stadium
By Adam Weinrib
The Buffalo Bills are losing their stadium sponsorship, eh? Patriots fans can help with that!
Gah, what a tremendous shame, Patriots fans! Now, when we go on the road to Buffalo, we’ll no longer be able to whip the Bills at New Era Field.
We’ll simply have to whip them at TBD NEW NAME Field.
Buffalo announced on Wednesday that they were going to drop the “New Era” naming rights from their current stadium deal, and were actively seeking new sponsors. That seems like something Pats fans should have covered, no?
After all, I believe we’re the rightful owners of the place, considering the Patriots are 8-0 there since our last loss back in 2011.
When New England fans flock to pack the seats again someday at one of their favorite road stomping grounds, hopefully they’ll have taken our suggestion and tried out a few of these sponsors.
Hey, anything has to be better than the front-runner so far: a bidet company.
3. The Off-Target Center
Josh Allen needs to feel comfortable at home, Patriots Nation.
In honor of Buffalo’s current QB Josh Allen, we’d love to secure the Target branding for their new stadium, and then add the little “off” to better describe the Bills gunslinger’s accuracy.
Allen’s howitzer can take a receiver’s hand clean off, and unfortunately, no receiver in the building is remotely safe when he rears back and fires.
Sidelines or seam routes, Allen will find you — even if he has no intention of doing so.
If Target took us up on our offer, we expect they’d be able to do it big in Buffalo. There’s a goldmine at the tailgates, and I’m sure those dazed and confused Buffalonians would love to play some appropriate games. Blindfolded dart-throwing, “Shatter the Home Furnishings” contests, the Isaac Mizrahi Tent for Mid-Morning Hangover Management. All that good stuff.
If Allen’s going to face the unrelenting Patriots defense twice annually, the least the Bills can do is make him feel comfortable by giving him the biggest target possible, right on the side of the stadium. We’d kick in a few bucks for that.