Deflategate: Tom Brady, New England Patriots Are the First Cheaters in NFL History

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If Deflategate tells us one thing, it’s that the New England Patriots are a shame to the NFL. They are a bunch of cheaters. They ruin the integrity of the game with their scheming, cheating ways. In the history of the NFL, the Patriots are the first team to cheat. And Tom Brady is the only quarterback that has ever tampered with his footballs.

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Before the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ victory in Super Bowl XXXVII, quarterback Brad Johnson definitely didn’t tamper with the footballs. No, only pretty boy Brady messes with footballs. You know, because he is the only player in the history of the NFL that has ever pushed the boundaries of the rulebook. Aaron Rodgers, for instance, has never admitted to tampering with his footballs. Of course not; only Brady does that.

The Denver Broncos definitely haven’t had 11 players in the past decade-plus suspended for PED usage. The PSI level of footballs affects play much more than players’ muscular fitness anyway, so even if this was true, the Patriots are still much worse. The Patriots are cheaters.

Those poor Seattle Seahawks that were the victims of the Patriots’ cheating ways in Super Bowl XLIX have also never cheated. They definitely haven’t had eight players suspended for PEDs since 2001. In stark contrast to the cheater Bill Belichick, Pete Carroll is an angel; he always follows NFL practicing policies to the letter.

Every time the Indianapolis Colts play the Patriots, the latter team is always cheating. It’s never the Colts. The Colts definitely didn’t pump artificial crowd noise into a 2007 Pats-Colts game. When in doubt, just expect that the Patriots are cheating and you’ll be right.

Unless you are a fan of the scum organization that is the Patriots, you can rest easy knowing that your team has obviously never cheated.

The New York Jets are an example for the rest of the NFL with their non-cheating ways. Back in 2010, strength coach Sal Alosi definitely didn’t intentionally trip Miami Dolphins’ corner Nolan Carroll on a punt return, and he definitely didn’t admit to it later. Also, the Jets definitely didn’t illegally tape the Patriots from both end zones of Gillette Stadium in 2006. No, the Patriots were actually the only team in the NFL who participated in Spygate-like practices. What a bunch of cheaters.

I could go on and on, but you get the point. Brady and the Deflatriots are the only cheaters professional football has ever seen. It’s pretty remarkable how the NFL was clean for so long, but then Brady had to come along and cheat his way to four Super Bowl rings. The Patriots obviously deserve the “cheaters” label.

Unless you are a fan of the scum organization that is the Patriots, you can rest easy knowing that your team has obviously never cheated. Honestly, I feel bad for Patriots fans; how do they get up in the morning knowing that their team has dirtied the field of roses that is the NFL?