New England Patriots Draft Projections using Horoscopes

Editor’s Note: This is an interesting guest piece that’s a bit offbeat from our normal coverage of the New England Patriots. I was asked some time ago if I wanted to accept a guest post opportunity from Hollywood Psychics in order to take a look at the Patriots 2013 NFL Draft picks and project them by using a horoscope. We’ve all analyzed- and even agonized- over the Patriots draft picks, so this is an interesting, different swing instead of classic football analysis. While astrology isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, I enjoy taking different looks at things as a fun exercise. There’s also plenty of football-centric analysis to go with the horoscopes, and that brings something to the table for everybody. And hey, we’ll see if this was all written in the stars five years from now. I would like to thank Teresa Lopez and the folks at Hollywood Psychics for their kindness and this opportunity. 

New England Patriots rookie Aaron Dobson speaks to the media during rookie minicamp at Gillette Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Bob DeChiara-USA TODAY Sports

With the draft dust having settled and summer training camp underway, now is the time where fans and stat fiends alike can pick apart the latest batch of players to don a Patriots jersey for the upcoming 2013-2014 season. While statisticians may look to the collegiate records of many of these new draft picks to offer a scouting report, we’re going to take a look at a slightly more intangible factor — an astrological scouting report for the Pats’ newest recruits. Using their zodiac signs as a focal point of analysis, we may be able to offer a glimpse into the new recruits’ future with the Patriots, and potentially, their career picture as a whole.

Statistically speaking, the Pats have gone against the grain with many of their picks. Water signs (Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio) are the astrological signs that most frequently crop up as 1st Round draft picks.

This time around, the Pats did not draft ANY water signs. None whatsoever. In fact, all of their draft picks were either earth signs or air signs, culling their prospects from three specific signs, in particular: Taurus, Gemini, and an abundance of Aquariuses. (Don’t let Aquarius’s water-bearing nature throw you. It’s actually an air sign.)

Although none of the Pats’ Aquarius picks were chosen in the first round, the sign does, however, tie with Aries as having the most first round picks snapped up from their zodialogical ranks. This time around, the Pats 3rd, 4th, and 7th round picks were all born under the sign of Aquarius. (In fact, two of these picks — safety Duron Harmon and defensive end Michael Buchanan share an exact birthdate in January 24, 1991. What are the odds?

Below, get to know your newest Patriots and check out our astrological scouting report for each:

Two Tauruses
Jamie Collins – 2nd Round (Outside Linebacker)
Steve Beauharnais – 7th Round (Inside Linebacker)
Outside linebacker Collins is an interesting 2nd Round choice. He started out as a safety at his alma mater, Southern Mississippi, before a sophomore year switch that put him in the linebacker position. Last year, he led the Golden Eagles with 92 tackles and 10 sacks. This sort of versatility and tenacity is typical of Taurus the Bull — a charging force that can plow through any team or any obstacle.

The Pats’ 7th Round pick, Steve Beauharnais (good luck fitting that name on the back of a jersey!), is another Taurus lineman, taking the inside spot on the line. It’s fitting that the Pats picked up two Taureans to round out their line. Beauharnais was an exemplary player for the Rutgers Scarlet Knights, ending his senior season with 82 tackles. The captain was also nominated for the 2012 Dick Butkus award, putting him in the running alongside other top collegiate linebackers. Beauharnais’ on-field leadership is another emblematic trait of Taurus with their compassionate, albeit take-charge attitude as one of the sign’s defining characteristics.

Despite their wealth of positive traits, statistically, Taurus has proven to have the shortest shelf life of any astrological sign in the NFL. They tend to average 4.35 years as a starter, which falls below the 5.5-year average for all other signs.

Viewing the zodiac as a human body, Taurus, the second sign, governs the neck and throat areas. They are prone to neck injuries — which can often be career ending. Factoring in the stubborn nature of Taurus and his need to push through any injury to play, this can be an underlying cause for the sign’s short shelf life.  Curbing their stubborn tendencies and knowing when to say when is beneficial to the career of any NFL player born under the sign of the bull.

The Lone Twin (Gemini)
Aaron Dobson – 2nd Round (Wide Receiver)
Dobson had a stellar college career with the Marshall Thundering Herd, picking up an MVP trophy in his junior year at the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl and being selected for the Senior Bowl and named to the second All Conference USA team in his last year. Many tried to stop the towering 6’3” receiver, however, he managed to come away without ever dropping the ball — literally or figuratively.

The dual nature of Gemini and the sign’s ability to think quickly and find themselves (capably) in a lot of places at once. Obviously, a wide receiver needs to have a preternatural awareness of just where he needs to be to catch and move the ball. Dobson more than fits the bill. Gemini are among the most athletically gifted signs, which seems accurate given additional scouting reports from practice sessions that Dobson demonstrates considerable natural talent on the field. Gemini rules the lungs, so as long as Dobson keeps up his conditioning, he can prove to be a dynamo for the Patriots given time with the organization.

The Age of Aquarius?
Logan Ryan – 3rd Round (Cornerback)
Duron Harmon – 3rd round (Safety)
Josh Boyce – 4th Round (Wide Receiver)
Michael Buchanan – 7th Round (Defensive End)
Belichick seemed to have his eye on Rutgers big time this year, recruiting Scarlet Knight grads Logan Ryan, Duron Harmon, and Steve Beauharnais to the Patriots in this year’s draft. While some of Belichick’s picks may have seemed unorthodox to some, maybe he was going for some sort of synergy? Four of his draft picks were born under the sign of Aquarius and three of his draft picks all played together at Rutgers. Perhaps this will help create a familiar, in-synch attitude for the 2013-2014 Patriots?

Logan Ryan, the Pats’ newest cornerback had a solid college career that made analysts sit up and take notice. He’s a very physical player, although he is another raw talent like Aaron Dobson that may flourish under some Belichick guidance.

Safety Duron Harmon was selected to the All-Big East Conference’s first team. Nevertheless, most people have not heard of Harmon and question Belichick’s rationale in choosing the 16th-ranked safety as the Pats’ 3rd Round draft pick. Known for his deep shell play style and frequently utilized in a blitz scenario, Harmon demonstrates substantial versatility despite not being a super flashy player. This Aquarian trait of being able to “go with the flow” and be versatile — not to mention creative — may give the young Harmon a chance to shine with his new team. Harmon stands on the quieter end of the Aquarius spectrum, which is content to be a team player and come through in the clutch with little fanfare.

Josh Boyce was a starting wide receiver for the Texas Christian University Horned Frogs where he scored 22 touchdowns and put 161 passes under his belt, making him his alma mater’s all-time highest scorer in touchdown receptions. While he and Harmon share a lot of similar Aquarius traits (although safety and wide receiver are apples-to-oranges), Boyce represents the flashier side of Aquarius and appears outgoing and upbeat.

Last, but not least, Michael Buchanan, the 7th Round defensive end from Illinois also stands as an example of Aquarius’ charismatic side. He demonstrates versatility with a number of moves and counters and is able to catch the offense’s line off guard with his arsenal of ballet-like dips and spins. He earned a slot on the All-Big Ten second team and started 32 times throughout his 46-game college career with 161 tackles. Not just a force to be reckoned with on the field, Buchanan earned the respect of his teammates and locker room for his on-field and off-field conduct.
One thing these four players should be mindful of is that Aquarius rules the lower parts of the legs, including the calves and ankles. That said, their Achilles tendons could become an Achilles heel and they should guard themselves accordingly against any potential injuries that could threaten their career.

We wish the newest Patriots a lot of luck in the 2013-2014 season, and will be watching with an eye towards the future for what’s to come!

This article was written on behalf of Hollywood Psychics. Have questions about your future? Chat with a Hollywood Psychics psychic today.