First, I’d like to wish you all a happy Festivus! For those that are unfamiliar with the celebration of Festivus, watch this Seinfeld clip to have it explained:
One of the hallowed traditions of Festivus is the Airing of Grievances. This takes place before dinner and entails telling everyone (in a humorous way) how they’ve been a disappointment to you over the past year. As Patriots fans, we have been fortunate enough to have very few grievances over the past decade thanks to Tom Brady and Bill Belichick. But being humble isn’t part of the Festivus spirit! With that being said, here are a few grievances for the 2013 Patriots:
Rob Gronkowski – Gronk, are your bones made of glass?! I’ve never seen a 24 year old athlete with so many injuries! My dad’s ’68 Mustang is more reliable than your health.
Stevan Ridley – Riddle me this! Who got drafted early in countless fantasy teams and has since fumbled away his season? Are your hands made of butter, Stevan? If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, make sure you have gloves and some Stickum spray before hoisting the Lombardi.
Tom Brady – Before going for a high-five, why not look around you and make sure there’s a teammate there to slap you one? I know you have a perfect life, but you look like a dork on the sidelines.
Dont’a Hightower – After drafting you in the first round the Patriots should have drafted a map for you to use in pass coverage! You couldn’t cover a Gronk on crutches let alone a healthy tight end. You’ve looked better recently, but step it up!
Got some grievances to air? Let us know in the comments!
Tags: New England Patriots